Trivia

This day is a very relaxing one. Therefore, I will try to make a light entry. Just some trivia you don’t really care about. Haha.
 1.       My favorite thing in the world is eating.
 2.       I think about food every ten minutes.
 3.       I eat, maybe, at least 8 times a day.
 4.       I don’t like meat without fats.
 5.       My idea of a snack is rice. With viand. And soup.
 6.       I do eat vegetables. Potatoes and cauliflower. Those are vegetables right?
 7.       My idea of multitasking is doing tasks while eating.
 8.       I eat while walking, watching TV, listening to music, surfing the net, cooking, etc.
 9.       I love seafood!
 10.   Especially crabs and shrimps. ( Prawns aren’t as tasty as shrimps, trust me)
 11.   My favorite snack is Crispy pata.
 12.   I am forever a child for loving fried chicken eternally.
 13.   I eat meals after meals.
 14.   I am always excited about food.
 15.   I eat when I’m sad.
 16.   Also when I’m happy.
 17.   And when I’m bored, when sleepy.
 18.   Okay!!! The mood doesn’t really matter.
 19.   I hoard chicharon in my room.
 20.   I don’t like sweets.
 21.   Except for Ice cream.
 22.   And cakes.
 23.   Well, I am not crazy about chocolates. A sparse amount’s already a delight(maybe the size of a sugar cube?) more than that is enough to make me generous. I’ll surely share.
 24.   I cannot eat an entire chocolate cookie. A bite makes me shiver.
 25.   I don’t have health issues about sweets.
 26.   But I also cannot eat a regular sized doughnut.
 27.   I don’t like breads.
 28.   I love hamburgers though, when the bread is hardly noticeable.
 29.   I like pizza, but I’m not crazy about it. (Bread, remember?) One slice will do.
 30.   I’m not a fan of cheese.
 31.   Noodles is love, noodles is life.
 32.   I love jellies and marshmallows.
 33.   I love salty food.
 34.   And sour food. 
 35.  I can't resist food.

Now, this is more of a guide on what to feed me. And how to make me happy :3 Lol.

Hmm. What else...

36. I also love sleeping. I sleep late at night, early in the morning, and late in the afternoon.
37. I love dogs. We have three right now.
38. I HATE CATS.
39. Again, I hate cats. I have tons of reasons why.
40. But, uhm. I can imitate cat sounds really well.
40. I am very clumsy.
41. I am antisocial.
42. I love Christmas songs.
43. I have killed so many spiders in the past six months. (I need to take my shower to be able to work and survive this life)

There are three things I can do so well:

Over eat, over sleep and over think.

Trolololololo

It's okay.

A friend once told me, it's okay not to be okay. She wrote it maybe backed with the idea that I must have felt so rotten with how I was behaving those days.

And also, maybe she thought that guilt became my regular companion. This is owing to the fact that I have expected my friends to still love me while I kept them at bay; far from my thoughts and far from myself. While I was soaking myself in rivers of sorrow and disappointment, they did not detest my decision of becoming a lone wolf. I remained to have a strong pack ready to back me up anytime I needed one.

I have been so unfair because I was not okay. That's a stupid excuse but in all honesty that was the real case. I was pinned down being so blue. But then again my friend  said it's okay not to be okay. I think it made a difference.

I found self forgiveness.

(Thank you Isay!)

Another friend confessed that she's "not too happy" during those times I have been keeping to myself. I became totally distant I didn't even had the decency to drop the "because" word. Nevertheless, she said it didn't matter; because friendship is all about accepting differences and understanding how this works. When I came back, she was still there, with arms wide open. For me who is so undeserving.

(I miss you, Dee)

I think, the worst part of disappointing someone is disappointing yourself even more. You can kiss and make up with those who you love but dealing with your alpha inner self is a totally different story. Self-forgiveness doesn’t just fall like rainfalls. Sometimes, we don’t even feel like we need it. At times people have to tell us that it’s okay to suck. It’s okay not to be good enough, it’s okay to show weakness, it’s okay to be completely vulnerable. It’s not beautiful, it’s not the best, but yes, it’s okay. It’s okay because it happens. It happens to everybody, and like all things, it shall pass. It’s going to happen again, but it shall pass. And when all things pass, it’s you who remain, and your soul. So Don’t be too hard on yourself.

(Please keep this in mind, Ivic:))

It’s okay to feel like not yourself, nor look like your real self sometimes. It’s okay to be mad and get mad. It’s okay to need someone and to feel incomplete- just as long you won’t take it to a whole new different level.   It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to pause a little and cry…

I’m not going to tell you it will be alright because it’s okay.  Go easy on yourself because you’re going to bounce back. I guarantee it’s going to be higher. And if it doesn’t, remember that the ball bounces not just once, you just have to keep on dribbling. Someday, in God’s perfect time, it’s going to reach the hoop and the best part is…

You can do it over and over again.

To Ivic, and also to myself: I dare you to move.

On Peace (part 1)

Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue... ♫♫♫

True.

But.

I wonder.

If the word "peace" shall also be personified, what word will be enough to describe its feeling? Lonely? I think not. That will be an understatement. I might be able to use all the dark adjectives from the dictionary but no word will fit the fragile, glass shoes.

Since time immemorial, people seem to find the word peace so confusing. Yet, deep down we understand what the word means for the plain reason that it can be felt. Unfortunately, so many people are mixing ideologies and religion with it they seem to forget that peace is peace. Peace is not the offspring of war. Peace shouldn't ignite a desire to exterminate the "different ones."

Peace is a form of love. Love should be kind and beautiful. Peace is what everybody deserves, No one has the right to take one from anybody. No one.

I have always wanted to write something about peace. With all this screaming violence and heart breaking stories of people dying everywhere, I feel like we should get involved in our little ways.

There are too many things to say, too many things to do. I want the world to take a moment and listen. But in all honesty, I don't know what to say exactly. But maybe, just maybe with this precious read I have found at http://zenpencils.com/ I can send a message. I hope to ignite a spark somewhere, somehow. Even in that little room in one person's heart.

Here: http://zenpencils.com/comic/100-carl-sagan-pale-blue-dot/

Truly, the world is such a tiny object in the universe and it's just amusing to think that people are shedding blood for power over something so pathetically diminutive.

Here's my favorite part. 

 I promise to write my own insights next time. ♥ 

Kintsukuroi

I discovered this gem from my favorite website wtffunfact.com maybe already a year ago. I have planned to write about it but…. You know. (Laziness, strike 1)

Now that I have been bitten by the writing bug once again, I decided to finally write about it. I have planned to take a picture of it from where I found the photo but it was so hard to locate now as numerous new posts have piled up. (Laziness, strike 2)

It was quite refreshing after all those girl posts I see on Facebook about being beautifully broken or being a beautiful disaster and all. It’s terrible until you see the (irrelevant) selfie that comes with it. You realize now that “terrible” is now an understatement. Personally, these posts ruin the value of messages, quotations, etc.

You are encouraged to tell yourself you are beautiful. Facebook = Yourself? Go back to first grade please.

Going back, I think that the philosophy beneath the art sure is worth reflecting. Pots may all look the same when they are produced. But when one gets broken and mended, it becomes a little more special, maybe a little more beautiful, too. Everything remade goes through being reborn. A stronger heart is a heart more capable of conquering.

*Note: I used “may all look the same” because I believe that no two things are impeccably similar. I also didn’t use the word “unique” because the word is conceptual and this will just make things complicated)

When you think about it, we normally lose a piece of ourselves as we go through life. The pieces wearing off start getting bigger and bigger one can wonder how we manage to keep on pedaling in spite of the worn out tires.

It’s uplifting to know that we are also acquiring skills to make up for what we no longer have. As we grow old, the pieces that we have are the ones we’ve decided to have along the way. Like a newly –modeled customized self, bolder self, and stronger self, this is what we have designed for ourselves.

Right now I feel like my ugliest (I hope so. I can’t get any uglier!!! grrr)

I feel rotten inside and out.

But one day I will be repaired and I will live with the philosophy of the kintsukuroi.

And don’t worry; I won’t post a selfie when that happens. Lol.

The sunrise therapy

Whenever you feel like something is missing in your life. Wait for a sunrise.

This is not figuratively speaking, there is something about sunrise that calms and appeases a tired heart. Or a tired mind, even a tired life. It soothes the soul and bathes it in a feeling of everything fresh.

For the longest time, the sunrise and I lived in separate worlds. I always wake up tired and it’s already that time of the day when the sun is so mad with its scorching rays ready to make any area a huge frying pan. That’s the sun just doing its job of course.

But I must say sunrise is something else, someone else. It makes you want to start anew; it makes you dream without waking up the cynical ghost in you. It makes you want the world; it makes you like your self.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but the sunrise is like a therapy. It happened the other day. I woke up a bit too early and got a glimpse of the earth from my room’s window. I got up and decided to have a closer look. I felt like this is what waking up really feels like. I haven’t been waking up for so long I have forgotten the feeling a new day is supposed to give.

I’m not sure what got into me, but in my head was a voice that said” This is what I’m missing.” Not that the sunrise can repaint my life of course, but it makes me want to repaint my life and play with paint while doing so.

I think sunrise is worth giving up scrolling up and down my tab at night. Worth giving up advancing new levels in games, worth being away from the world and veering closer to what’s inside.

Ang kaligayahan at ang adobong paa ng manok.

Noong unang panahon...

Hindi, joke lang po. Hindi ko na talaga matandaan kung kelan to nangyari. Basta ilegal kaming nagluto ni “R” (wag na magtanong, sya nga yun.) ng adobong paa ng manok. (Wag mo na ring itanong kung bakit ilegal. Pero wag ka mag alala, hindi naman dahil buhay pa yung mga manok nung niluto namin.Syeeeeeeeeeeeeeete ang korni kooooooo)

Mahilig sya kumain ng maanghang, ako,well hindi naman ako nagse self-bath ng pawis pero mas okay lang talaga sakin ng walang anghang ang pagkain. Pero ayon na nga ang nangyari, laga pa lang, nilagyan nya nang pagkarami raming sili yung pagkain. Pagtikim ko para akong nakasinding posporong tinapon sa sumisingaw na shellane (solane?) Nag demand ako ng pagbabago. Binawasan namin yung tubig. Tapos nilaga uli. Nilagyan ko ng asin (okay, maraming asin) para mabawasan ng onti yung anghang.

Hindi kami nakuntento. Pareho.Dagdag bawas hanggang matapos ang dish. Gusto nya ng sobrang lambot, ako naman gusto ko yung mejo malambot lang (minus two levels of tenderness siguro) . Ang ending? Maalat at sobrang anghang na durog durog na paa at sisihan at katahimikan sa huli.

Wag kang mag isip ng ganyan. Hindi naman ganun kaseryoso ang isyu ( isyuuuuu!!!) dun. Nag enjoy naman kami. Pero naisip ko din na kung nag adjust kami sa gusto ng isa’t isa, limas siguro yung mga pinggan namin. Nagka signature dish sana kami at nakuha namin yung gusto naming maachieve. Naisip ko ang mga samahan dapat punong puno ng adjustment. Kung hindi yung isa ang pwede mag give way, pwede naman mag adjust kahit konti. Yung onti na yan isasalba ang dalawang tao sa pagiging talo. Yung konti na yan, pwedeng parehas kayo magiging masaya.

O ha! Paa ng manok at tropa ng mga sili ang nagturo sakin nyan!

Narealize ko din na pagpasok mo sa kahit anong uri ng relationship ( ayoko ng salitang relasyon, me nakakapangilabot na epekto) , dapat handa kang hindi na 100% ng gusto mo ang makukuha mo. Magbibigay ka na. Magbabawas ka na ng konti. Pero ganun din sya. Hindi nya na magagawa 100% ng gusto nyang gawin. Magbibigay na sya.

Bale sa huli, pupunuin nyo yung nabawas sa isa’t isa at dadagdagan ng higit higit pa. Mas masarap pa yan sa adobong paa o lechon. Mas masarap pa sa kahit anong pagkain. Kasi libre yan.

Kaligayahan ang tawag dyan.

Little you

Little you, little you
Look at those vibrant hues
Two wings, you’ve grown
Your legs are tall
To where should your feet fall?

Little you, silly you
Have you not seen what’s new?
Your twig is old
You can’t just hold
A ball that’s meant to roll

Little you, this is true
There’s no need to be blue
Your heart is small
You’ll hear a call
To stand and no more crawl

Little you, your little coos
Will reach a hill or two
soon, leave your hole
The bells will toll
The fire shall kiss the coal.

Little you, little you
Look at those tiny clues
Fly to your goal
Up high you’ll soar
And ,lo! You’ll free your soul!

(The little bird is turning 23 tomorrow)

On laziness.

Last night, I slept past 2:00 am. (So, is it still right to use “last night?”) I rolled out of bed around 9 am and jumped back in after a minute or so. I finally got up around 10:00 am and decided to start the day. I grabbed some towels, headed downstairs and prepped up for work.

To my delight I’ve got but half my usual load of classes for today. I had 30 the other day but now my list is down to 15; including four cancelled classes! Four cancelled classes! Heaven is real! hehe.

Earlier while traveling to the office, I was thinking of writing today. I knew I have more time to come up with something. I knew I should try to make an entry somehow. But guess what happened?

Well, I thought of taking 40 winks just for 30 minutes. Stealing half an hour won’t hurt anyway. Well it didn’t, but the extension did. Yes, yes, I slept for more than an hour. I woke up, checked how I looked in the mirror, tried to make myself a little more presentable, and entered the class.

So here I am taking the little breaks just so I won’t disappoint myself again. I feel like writing” How to waste your life to sleep” right now but oversleeping is not the only villain in my life story. There’s so much more and it’s kind of a battle between what I want and what I really want. Confusing, huh? Well that’s how it is for me most of the time.

I want to do more, be more, see more and feel more. I want the word “more” but sometimes less is more comfortable (If you know what I mean). I just remembered a post on Facebook that says you don’t really look back to your life and smile at the number of hours you’ve slept at night. (Or something like that, not so sure) Btw, he’s talking about partying there, but all the same the message throbbed a little. Adding salt to my injured ego every time I talk about the stones I have stepped on.

Once in a while, my friend and I reassess our lives and mope about being too complacent and dead stagnant. We talk about possible solutions. As you can see, we still have the same concerns. This, although frustrating, is nothing to the feeling I get whenever my best/boyfriend discuss the matter. He always tells me that I’m wasting my talent, he’s unhappy with what I’ve settled for and that I can do better. I know for a fact that I’m happy with my job; but it’s also true that this is not a place for me to evolve.

I love being a Magikarp and be merry but I should already be a Gyarados by now. (I’ll write about this in another entry haha)

The truth is I want to do a lot of things, learn Spanish and Japanese, play the guitar, try painting, write a book and perhaps crate something to put my name on. For some reasons, I just can’t start. I can’t shake the laziness off. I’m burning the precious hours of my life scrolling down posts when awake; or rolling in my bed when not awake. So frustrating, I used to be so productive.

I’m not just psychologically bugged; my physical appearance is starting to change my self-esteem. This problem is rolling into a bigger snowball.

I need help.