It's okay.

A friend once told me, it's okay not to be okay. She wrote it maybe backed with the idea that I must have felt so rotten with how I was behaving those days.

And also, maybe she thought that guilt became my regular companion. This is owing to the fact that I have expected my friends to still love me while I kept them at bay; far from my thoughts and far from myself. While I was soaking myself in rivers of sorrow and disappointment, they did not detest my decision of becoming a lone wolf. I remained to have a strong pack ready to back me up anytime I needed one.

I have been so unfair because I was not okay. That's a stupid excuse but in all honesty that was the real case. I was pinned down being so blue. But then again my friend  said it's okay not to be okay. I think it made a difference.

I found self forgiveness.

(Thank you Isay!)

Another friend confessed that she's "not too happy" during those times I have been keeping to myself. I became totally distant I didn't even had the decency to drop the "because" word. Nevertheless, she said it didn't matter; because friendship is all about accepting differences and understanding how this works. When I came back, she was still there, with arms wide open. For me who is so undeserving.

(I miss you, Dee)

I think, the worst part of disappointing someone is disappointing yourself even more. You can kiss and make up with those who you love but dealing with your alpha inner self is a totally different story. Self-forgiveness doesn’t just fall like rainfalls. Sometimes, we don’t even feel like we need it. At times people have to tell us that it’s okay to suck. It’s okay not to be good enough, it’s okay to show weakness, it’s okay to be completely vulnerable. It’s not beautiful, it’s not the best, but yes, it’s okay. It’s okay because it happens. It happens to everybody, and like all things, it shall pass. It’s going to happen again, but it shall pass. And when all things pass, it’s you who remain, and your soul. So Don’t be too hard on yourself.

(Please keep this in mind, Ivic:))

It’s okay to feel like not yourself, nor look like your real self sometimes. It’s okay to be mad and get mad. It’s okay to need someone and to feel incomplete- just as long you won’t take it to a whole new different level.   It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to pause a little and cry…

I’m not going to tell you it will be alright because it’s okay.  Go easy on yourself because you’re going to bounce back. I guarantee it’s going to be higher. And if it doesn’t, remember that the ball bounces not just once, you just have to keep on dribbling. Someday, in God’s perfect time, it’s going to reach the hoop and the best part is…

You can do it over and over again.

To Ivic, and also to myself: I dare you to move.