Between A and B

I can still hear it.

Almost eight years ago, we had one of those moments in class where the teacher would ask us a question that require (a little) critical thinking. The options are just A and B. The rule is, you have to raise your hand when the teacher asks which side you are on. Just like most days, the tally did not match the number of students present. I can’t remember what the question was, but this- I remember vividly.

Our teacher looked uhm… in between disappointed and irritated. She walked slowly, increasing the tension with each step, gave us a thoughtful look, and then dropped this bomb:

“You cannot stay in the middle, it’s dangerous. You’ll get run over.”

I couldn’t remember the discussion that took place afterwards. But I can still feel the impact of those words. I probably only understood half of what it really meant. I was fifteen, my major problems included only getting good grades and beating deadlines, I had too much at hand and I thought that life was a little harsh for the sparse amount of sleep I get.

Little did I know that I was still in the playground area of life.

I didn’t know that after kissing my friends goodbye at school, life would be unforgiving. And the thing is, this is what awaits most of us after school. (Yes, you get an early taste of this if you’re out of school sooner than you should be) There are perks, of course. Lots of perks in fact, too many you’ll get so confused and lost sometimes. The scary part is that you always have to stand up for your actions, you won’t be asked between: A. Be responsible for your deeds or; B. Be free from the consequences. It’s always letter A. Always.

Now I understand why I can’t be in the middle. Aside from being dangerous, it could lead one to stagnation too. You cannot just think all the time. You have to choose and decide every day. You cannot just drift and slide where the others go. You cannot sit down and hate your life getting all too muddled between which track to take. The road always accommodates moving people, from north to south going back and forth. Those in the middle get run over. You cannot just listen to hollow voices without hearing your own. You have to love and hate, there’s nothing in between but apathy, which is always the worst.

Most importantly, you have to stand up for what is right and what’s not. As a child, punching a friend is always branded as bad. When you grow old you have to do some necessary punching. The lines are now always blurry. Experience and love now works with pure reason. Nevertheless, you still have to stand up for what is right. You cannot just understand why and still be unable to raise your hand when asked between two options. Again, you have to stand up for something. You need something to put your name into; because if you have none, your name will be nowhere and you’re as good as non-existent.

The life you live is not about the amount of sands touching your feet but with the number of steps you are willing to take. Life is a beautiful beach but it can leave you sunburned if you’re neither careful nor wise. You cannot experience the waves if you’re just at the shore. You have to swim, or run in the sands if you must. You cannot just stare at life because it will never pause just to stare back at you.

(This is a message for myself. Bigyan nyo nga ako ng karatula at nang makapaglakad sa Mendiola hahaha. Andami kong pinaglalaban.Well,whatever, hope I'm making sense)


Until next time.

Love,
Dudi.