On laziness.

Last night, I slept past 2:00 am. (So, is it still right to use “last night?”) I rolled out of bed around 9 am and jumped back in after a minute or so. I finally got up around 10:00 am and decided to start the day. I grabbed some towels, headed downstairs and prepped up for work.

To my delight I’ve got but half my usual load of classes for today. I had 30 the other day but now my list is down to 15; including four cancelled classes! Four cancelled classes! Heaven is real! hehe.

Earlier while traveling to the office, I was thinking of writing today. I knew I have more time to come up with something. I knew I should try to make an entry somehow. But guess what happened?

Well, I thought of taking 40 winks just for 30 minutes. Stealing half an hour won’t hurt anyway. Well it didn’t, but the extension did. Yes, yes, I slept for more than an hour. I woke up, checked how I looked in the mirror, tried to make myself a little more presentable, and entered the class.

So here I am taking the little breaks just so I won’t disappoint myself again. I feel like writing” How to waste your life to sleep” right now but oversleeping is not the only villain in my life story. There’s so much more and it’s kind of a battle between what I want and what I really want. Confusing, huh? Well that’s how it is for me most of the time.

I want to do more, be more, see more and feel more. I want the word “more” but sometimes less is more comfortable (If you know what I mean). I just remembered a post on Facebook that says you don’t really look back to your life and smile at the number of hours you’ve slept at night. (Or something like that, not so sure) Btw, he’s talking about partying there, but all the same the message throbbed a little. Adding salt to my injured ego every time I talk about the stones I have stepped on.

Once in a while, my friend and I reassess our lives and mope about being too complacent and dead stagnant. We talk about possible solutions. As you can see, we still have the same concerns. This, although frustrating, is nothing to the feeling I get whenever my best/boyfriend discuss the matter. He always tells me that I’m wasting my talent, he’s unhappy with what I’ve settled for and that I can do better. I know for a fact that I’m happy with my job; but it’s also true that this is not a place for me to evolve.

I love being a Magikarp and be merry but I should already be a Gyarados by now. (I’ll write about this in another entry haha)

The truth is I want to do a lot of things, learn Spanish and Japanese, play the guitar, try painting, write a book and perhaps crate something to put my name on. For some reasons, I just can’t start. I can’t shake the laziness off. I’m burning the precious hours of my life scrolling down posts when awake; or rolling in my bed when not awake. So frustrating, I used to be so productive.

I’m not just psychologically bugged; my physical appearance is starting to change my self-esteem. This problem is rolling into a bigger snowball.

I need help.