Skills and Mums

Seven months ago, my sister-in-law gave birth to our little bundle of joy. Small as she was, she turned our lives in ways we never deemed possible. She painted our gray walls yellow with her smiles. Her little achievements masked out the weary air at home. We are happier. My parents are back to feeling fresh again. Our days rolled by differently and each day is peppered with laughter and giggling and video taking. 

Speaking of such, my intent upon writing is to tell about an observation from an incident with her last week. My mother sent a message saying our baby could now sing. She is a 7 month ball of fluffiness - 7 month and she could sing! I got a bit too excited so I planned on testing it first thing when I pay a home visit. We ended up doing it the whole day though. 

Actually, I’m not sure if singing is the right word for her talent. It works like this: My mother (Her Granny) would sing “I have two hands” as she moves the baby’s hands (as if to dance), then, the baby would smile and giggle at first and later on sings with only” a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a” She’d keep on singing only until she feels like doing so.  I don’t know if this is normal but for a toothless, hairless little ball to be able to do this is pure awesome for me. I wondered how she learned it. Then I realized my mom taught her to do it.

My mom taught her the same way she taught us as kids. I just remembered this now. Of course we know this as a fact but it’s just always on the back of our heads. I suddenly feel light and loaded with an odd feeling . Does this even make sense? haha

My mom is the one who should take credits for most of the skills that we possess. All our lives, Our (siblings) mindsets dictate that we owe our talents  to our father, being the talented, skillful and smart guy that he is ( see, pops, I also sprinkled some flattery for you here hehe) We would often tease our mom with how talentless she is and that we’re lucky to take after our father. Why, all of us can draw except her! She would always give a hearty laugh at this as my father beamed with pride. 

But actually, she is the one who nurtured what we had. She is the one who led to the discovery of what we can do. She is the one who repeatedly sang songs to us so we would develop our language mastery. She did a hundred things repeatedly when we were little so we’d learn things by heart. All of those and still the credit slipped inside the hands of my father. My father was a big part too, of course. But my mother… all of us are her drafts and masterpieces.  I think my estimation of mothers suddenly shot up. It’s like they’re given a clean sheet of paper and it’s up to them to make a hundred things out of it. Isn’t this just astounding?

We’d always make remarks on how my niece is developing so fast and it just goes to show that my mother’s hands are still full of power and magic as always. Hats off to all the moms responsible for creating wonders through their kids all over the world! You are all amazing in a thousand ways.

To Patricia

I know you will not land here by accident. You’re here for a reason and whatever that may be I want to thank you for being here.

Actually, I wanted to write for weeks but just couldn’t find the motivation to do so. I know that I must go back because I usually just waste my time scrolling through my phone when I’m not here. Honestly, I still don’t have that motivation. But there must be another way, right? I can always write something from the heart. I know that will never fail. Let’s see how it goes from here.

Yesterday my student from my part time job told me I am beautiful inside. I don’t know why it had such an impact on me but I was moved. I felt the sincerity perhaps because I didn’t do anything worth a compliment that day.  He just made a sentence about beauty and casually dropped it on me leaving me speechless for a while. I said a lot of people are like that but he disagreed and told me he only knows two people who are beautiful inside: me and his girlfriend. I felt like a good person for the first time since I don’t know when.

Thinking about it now, it dawned on me that I don’t really get that much compliment about my character. I do get commendations and I’m always grateful but I realized that what really weighs the most in a person is his character. I think it’s kind of stupid for me to just realize this but all along, deep down, I know this in my heart. It’s just easy to study and learn things than to be good and kind I guess. 

I worked on feeding my mind but eventually failed in achieving wisdom because my character is still not something I can be proud of. But you, you have attained it. When I told you, you are the kindest person I know - that is the sincerest thing I’ve said in a long time. 

I’m not saying that you’re the nicest, but you are really nice of course everybody knows that. Kindness is another story though, not everyone can keep it when the going gets tough. I feel so lucky to know someone who has a heart as pure and as gentle as yours. Your parents must be really proud because I am and I know all the people around you are just as proud, too. 

You do not fear baring your soul to anyone and that’s pure courage. Your sorrow is just as genuine as your joy and I’ve never seen someone as real as you.  Your humility is so refreshing in a world when everyone wants to look big and mighty. You have an open mind an open heart and you are not quick to judge. You dress up and act without having to worry if it would please people or not. You’re just you being simple and unattached to the ideals of the generation. On top of that you are very generous with compliments when you yourself deserve more of it.How many people are like that nowadays, really…

I hope I can be just as good. But being the cynical girl that I am I can only do so much.  Maybe I will just have you as an inspiration; to remind myself to choose kindness all the time. It’s hard for someone like me but I’ll try. 

And someday, if God permits, I would like to have a daughter just like you.

You’re a good soul, Patricia.

Ode for our Ma'am Cora

When I first saw you there lying in peace, I thought you looked beautiful - more beautiful than you’ve been in the past few months. However, I still prefer the latter because in spite of your tiny frame and feeble body, you had a smile in your face.

You had a voice. 

You had life. 

That very moment I was reminded of our last conversation, the first thing you said when you saw me was that “You look beautiful. “ ( Ang ganda mo). You told me I look better now that I’ve gained weight. You said you didn’t like how I was when I lost so much weight. I understood what it meant to you, I knew that we were not just talking about me. We were talking about you and how you’ve changed after getting sick. You were happy for me looking healthy, because you know what it’s like on the other side…

You reminded me to take vitamins and to avoid abusing my body. You asked me to take care of myself but I didn’t get that those were already your farewell words. I wanted to hug you before I made for the door, I glanced back at you one last time and thought of visiting your place again some time before Christmas. 

And visiting you, I did; before Christmas day as planned.  And I saw you, but you didn’t…and you never will anymore. 

When I learned about your exit, I was on the office and I made some intentional occasional trips to the restroom to vent out. I knew how terrible things already were but like everything else, I was not prepared for this.  I am just relieved with the fact that we made our subtle farewells before you left for heaven. I want to tell you that just like the hundreds of people who love you, I will surely miss you.

My most unforgettable moment with you was when we had a sleepover in your place. There were three of us but when you joined in I think I spent more time talking with you than I did, them. You had so much life and enthusiasm, you were genuinely interested with my stories and you even ask me to get you as a godmother when I get married someday. What am I gonna do now Ma’am?

Once, I went to your house quite late and you informed me that Jho (her daughter, my bestfriend)  was not around. I stayed for a while to help you with the decorations for your classroom. We talked about things and you told me how my friends felt when I become distant. You told me never to let myself get hurt in a relationship as much as I can. You told me not to let go of the upper hand, you reminded me to take care of all that relationships that I have. That talk didn’t feel awkward. If anything it made me feel loved, it made me feel like I’m being cared for.

Each time someone’s head will pop on your door, you will brag about us ( daughter’s friends) being good and smart and all the things a mother usually boasts about her own child.  If I wanted to redeem my self-esteem all I have to do is pay a visit actually. In your side, I actually mattered; I know the others will say the same too. I liked myself those times I was with you. Now who’s going to do that for me…

All these flattery is nothing when it comes to you boasting about Joan when she’s not around. I have witnessed it; you were brimming with pride when talking about your children. If I were you I’d feel the same because you have raised them really well. They say no family is all-sunshine, I’d like to make yours an exemption. You have weathered so many storms but you chose to dance with its thunderbolts instead. I revere you for that. Good job once again ma’am Cora.

I know you won’t be able to read any of these anymore. I just want people to know how big of a loss you are to me and that I am sad that our sessions have ended. On the other hand I’m happy that you are past all the pain and I find comfort in the idea of you dancing up there with a healthier body now.

So long, Ma’am Cora.