To Patricia

I know you will not land here by accident. You’re here for a reason and whatever that may be I want to thank you for being here.

Actually, I wanted to write for weeks but just couldn’t find the motivation to do so. I know that I must go back because I usually just waste my time scrolling through my phone when I’m not here. Honestly, I still don’t have that motivation. But there must be another way, right? I can always write something from the heart. I know that will never fail. Let’s see how it goes from here.

Yesterday my student from my part time job told me I am beautiful inside. I don’t know why it had such an impact on me but I was moved. I felt the sincerity perhaps because I didn’t do anything worth a compliment that day.  He just made a sentence about beauty and casually dropped it on me leaving me speechless for a while. I said a lot of people are like that but he disagreed and told me he only knows two people who are beautiful inside: me and his girlfriend. I felt like a good person for the first time since I don’t know when.

Thinking about it now, it dawned on me that I don’t really get that much compliment about my character. I do get commendations and I’m always grateful but I realized that what really weighs the most in a person is his character. I think it’s kind of stupid for me to just realize this but all along, deep down, I know this in my heart. It’s just easy to study and learn things than to be good and kind I guess. 

I worked on feeding my mind but eventually failed in achieving wisdom because my character is still not something I can be proud of. But you, you have attained it. When I told you, you are the kindest person I know - that is the sincerest thing I’ve said in a long time. 

I’m not saying that you’re the nicest, but you are really nice of course everybody knows that. Kindness is another story though, not everyone can keep it when the going gets tough. I feel so lucky to know someone who has a heart as pure and as gentle as yours. Your parents must be really proud because I am and I know all the people around you are just as proud, too. 

You do not fear baring your soul to anyone and that’s pure courage. Your sorrow is just as genuine as your joy and I’ve never seen someone as real as you.  Your humility is so refreshing in a world when everyone wants to look big and mighty. You have an open mind an open heart and you are not quick to judge. You dress up and act without having to worry if it would please people or not. You’re just you being simple and unattached to the ideals of the generation. On top of that you are very generous with compliments when you yourself deserve more of it.How many people are like that nowadays, really…

I hope I can be just as good. But being the cynical girl that I am I can only do so much.  Maybe I will just have you as an inspiration; to remind myself to choose kindness all the time. It’s hard for someone like me but I’ll try. 

And someday, if God permits, I would like to have a daughter just like you.

You’re a good soul, Patricia.